Without you, I am completely shutting down from the rest of the world, from everyone else, and no one will be able to come inside. I no longer care who I was before I knew you because I told you repeatedly I never experienced life until you, and I meant that. Everything that I thought I was is now a shell of a breathing corpse. I have no will, no desire, and no ambition to live like I was because I simply didn't exist without you before. I don't care how happy I appeared...I wasn't me. I didn't find ME until I found you.
One of the first things I ever said to you was that it was better to live life having found something you never knew was missing than to live life with regret knowing you found something that is now a gaping hole or an empty void. Now, I feel this void.
The happy part for you is that you've had this type of love before, you've had your symphony before me...and I found that in you. You can pick up the pieces and move on from here because you know what to do. I don't. I haven't a clue as to what to think or how to act...
No one will dare to compare to you or even come close to my heart ever again. I thought I knew before how I should be loved or how I "wanted" to be loved and believe me there were times that I thought "if only I felt worthy enough to be by your side" then I would have allowed myself to be truly happy...
I will give my heart to no one because you have had it first AND last. I will deny everyone the right to have me, my love or my affection because I can no longer give those things to you. If I couldn't make it work with you, then I don't deserve to have it at all...
Everything that is me will die without you, willingly, and because of this I not only won't but can't let go of it.
For a moment, my life found absolution in giving you what I THOUGHT you needed or at least making sure you had it within reach, but giving the best of what I was, wasn't good enough because I really had nothing to offer except a broken spirit, shattered hopes, and a dreamless goal.
I will never have been...
