Written JUST for me :)

Beauty in a beautiful world

Throughout my life I have seen some of the most magnificent sites a person can see. I have seen masterpieces crafted day in and day out as the sun rises and sets. Mother Natures brush strokes are flawless.

I have gazed towards the Heavens and seen a brilliant moon illuminating the night sky; Stars shimmering in the background giving off an almost magical aura.

I have enjoyed the peaceful serenity of the outdoors; a beautiful forest, luscious and full of life, fields of flowers so vibrant one would think they had found the end of the rainbow.

The world is full of vivid imagery to drive the senses wild. Alas, regardless of how beautiful the world really is, it is incomparable to you. Darling, you take my breath away. When I look at you I lose myself. For a brief moment I am completely lost, my mind racing, trying to process what I'm seeing.

It seems effortless for you. No matter what you are wearing. Whether your hair is up, down, curled, messy it doesnt matter its always so enticing. Your smile could light the darkest of places and cure the worst feelings of sadness imaginable. Your smile makes everyone around you happy. It's contagious.

What I love most, though, are your eyes. They are so dazzling, so ravishing, so beautiful… So seductive. They draw me in as if I'm under some spell. When you look at me I have no chance, I'm completely yours.

Everytime I see you, it makes it that much harder to leave you. I still have the world to look at, though, to pass the time by. And when I miss you most I just close my eyes and there you are. And I'm okay again. Just don't keep me waiting too long…

An apology

It's been hard for me to breathe these past few weeks.
I miss his smile. His laugh. His friendship. His strenth & comfort.
I fight the overwhelming urge to curl up in the fetal position under my covers.
Or sit sobbing on the shower floor.
I can't...
You see, I have been given -though I do not want it- the task of moving forward, forgetting... letting go.
With a piece of my heart gone & missing;
A void that cannot be filled...
I carry my memories.
And these memories they sharpen the jagged edges of that void.
They do nothing to soothe my pain.
So, I apologize to those who see me now...I haven't had the energy of expression...
I have been indulging my memories...

Yet soon, these memories will be put to rest...

for good. (revised)

Roses-Seether

You feed this disease
Which you shelter underneath the scars
And dream of better things
Rendered helpless by those wicked charms
But please don't believe
When I say it's hard to breathe

Save me
Even as you break me
Every time you rape me
Leave me coming all undone

Praise me
Turn your back and hate me
Every time you waste me
Keep me underneath your thumb

You bleed on the sheets
Whisper softly how you love the scars
Then plead on your knees
Pledge your promises to do no harm
But please just let me be
I still find it hard to breathe

Save me

Even as you break me
Every time you rape me
Leave me coming all undone

Praise me
Turn your back and hate me
Every time you waste me
Keep me underneath your thumb

Save me

Sent to me:

Remember, You are someone truly special and deserve only the very best in life. I pray your dreams are as beautiful as you...impossible as that may seem...

No dream could ever hope to match both the outer beauty and the inner beauty.

@ 2:20am

I am cared for :-) 

In the sway of the song

Downfall

The feeling you get when you have to stand on your tippie toes just to wrap your arms around his neck....

That feeling you get when he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you in so close for a kiss...

The way your mind melts when there is no one else in existence but him and everything fades away for a brief moment...

The intense emotions, the feel of your lips touching his and the shock it sends throughout your body....

I miss that. I miss it so much.

However, the tears that it took to get to that point is something I don't miss...

You were my sweetest surrender and my hardest downfall…

Yes, downfall because when I fell for you...I fell all the way and there is no one to pick me up.

No one.

Making EVEN more

Strength does not get used up when you use it. In fact, it grows.

Sharing your wisdom with another person does not take that wisdom away from you. It actually deepens your wisdom, and makes it even more profound.

Giving your love does not in any way diminish the love you have. It makes your love richer and more meaningful.

You can speak the truth all day long, and at the end of the day that truth is more plentiful than it was at the beginning. You can exercise compassion month after month, and you'll end up with even more compassion.

Some of the most powerful and valuable things in life are the things that never get used up. Indeed, those things such as love, integrity, truth, compassion and wisdom become more plentiful the more they're used.

As each moment passes, make full, joyous and meaningful use of life's goodness.

When you do, you'll be "making" even more.

-

Messages to inspire by:

Your eyes hold the stars in awe. Your smile dims even the noonday sun. You haunt my thoughts until the day becomes night
...how can I possibly make you mine?

To hold you in my arms would be heaven, to kiss your lips would be ecstasy, to spend time with you would be more than I could take, to see you smile would make me melt.
(needs revision)

"You are beautiful, inside and out. No matter the bruises left on your body and soul, they will heal. Promise."

Testament

I've erased the memory and replaced the hurt with a whole and brand new me.

Forever My Lover

You don't have to be so scared
You don't have to go tonight
We just needed to hold on tight
For one hell of a ride
Cause we lost it all just now
To the nights that left us out
And I'll let this go somehow
You're gonna be proud...so proud

Cause I just needed you to pick me up
Like you did when you were stronger
When the lightning and the thunder
Had me clinging to your arms
...for someone to lift me up
When I'm down and I'm forgotten
You'll forever be my lover
And I'll be saving tears in jars for this one

How can I fit all these words
Into such a simple verse
It's the last time that we'll speak
So listen to me
...please

Cause I just needed you to pick me up
Like you did when you were stronger
When the lightning and the thunder
Had me clinging to your arms
...for someone to lift me up
When I'm down and I'm forgotten
You'll forever be my lover
And I'll be saving tears in jars for this one

Did you know that you're my heart
And it hurts to be apart
This cut it hurts so deep
Please, someone... just sing me to sleep...

Love...after "love"

The time will come 
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving 
at your own door,

in your own mirror, 
and each will smile at the other's welcome

and say, sit here.

Eat.

You will love again the stranger who was your self. 
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart 
to itself

to the stranger who has loved you all your life,

whom you ignored for another,

who knows you by heart.

Take down the love letters from the bookshelf, 
the photographs,

the desperate notes, 
peel your own image from the mirror. 
Sit.

Feast on your life.

-Derek Walcott

At One Time, I Thought You Wanted To Save Me.

Trusting someone with your heart is never easy.

I've gone through my adult life thinking that I would coast my way into death and then I met you.

It all seemed so blurry and in the amount of time it took me to fall in love with you, I simultaneously knew that my days were numbered.

I remember my very first feeling of impending doom as if it were only yesterday.

I remember because the fear that gripped my heart was so very real. I remember hearing for the first time that you thought our personalities would never mesh well...and that I didn't know how to "joke around" with you or even talk to you...it baffled me because this was before we even TRIED to get to know each other. To me this was before you even decided that I might be a person worth getting to know (personality wise). THAT was the first time you made me feel that I was simply never going to be "good enough".

All this time, I held on because I thought the good in me would overpower what I lacked in how to make you happy. I desperately wanted that nagging feeling that I would never measure up to disappate by your actions towards me, but sadly I was so wrong.

 

I won't hold anything against you though.

I won't be the person that goes on to hate you because I wasn't "the one"...

NOW, I can walk away and hold my head high and say I did EVERYTHING I possibly could and loved you with all that I was. I was in love with %100 of my heart, for the first time in my life.

No love of mine has ever compared nor will compare, and I don't care anymore.

I'm satified in knowing that I can accomplish this.

I no longer have to blame myself for not trying hard enough...and I won't even blame you.

I will simply walk away knowing, I wasn't the one and I'm ok with that. Had I been, these things wouldn't have happened. Had I been, you wouldn't have felt the need to test me. Had I been, you would have not "tried" to be happy...you just would have been.

Had I been...maybe it would have come easier for you.

 

You hear so many stories about the two different spectrums of what "love" might or should be...

You hear "it will be easy" and you "just know". Then you hear "it's a decision" and "you have to work at it to make it last".

Which one will it be for you? Which one will it be for me?

 

When you find her...you will know what not to do.

When I find him...I will know what I want done for me.

 

No matter what...

The gaping hole and physical pain in my body this very moment reminds me that this is for the best. I can't justify my behavior in any way that would sound logical because to you I'm anything but. 

I can't fix the pieces that are too small to find in my own heart.

 

At one time, I said you saved me...and you disagreed. At one time I would have given anything to be saved.

I've been through so much...maybe this time, I need to save myself.