Until Then

I'm asking myself for the first time...
Should I care about me?
Should I worry about MY feelings for a change?
Should I for the first time in so long WANT something I can ACTUALLY have?

Should I take all of the feelings and exhaust them INTO something that I know is tangible?
I want so desperately to feel wanted, loved and NEEDED, that I'm not even asking myself about authenticity.
What can be felt as real, can also be a facade.
If I know it isn't real, I know I will NEVER allow my heart to BE real, so how can I demand it from others?
I guess I'm just worried about the NOW, and not asking about the future. I don't want to know...
now
One day, I will have had enough. One day, I will stop and BE selfish.
Until then, I want what I can't have.